you're woken in the morning by the first streaks of light, realizing you were both too preoccupied the night before to pull the shades. really, it's for the best because the moment your eyes flutter open the absolute panic begins to set in, the million questions, the self-chastising about what you've done. you're almost instantly embarrassed at the way you've acted, that you basically threw yourself at him, even after knowing all too well it was not a good idea by any means.

none of this should have ever happened.

that's the clearest thought streaming through your mind as your heart races in your chest, and you think for the briefest moment that you might actually get sick or cry (of course you're going to cry.) with all possible care, you slip from the bed, trying not to wake him. the last thing you want is to have to face him right now. instead you collect your clothes from the trail the two of you left the night before practically leading from the door to the bed, pulling on enough to not earn yourself looks if you come across anyone else in the hall and retreat to your own space.

you lock the door and get in the shower. you cry. you berate yourself because this is exactly what you knew shouldn't happen. you pull the curtains and relish the dark of the room. you skip breakfast because you couldn't possibly eat anyway and you ignore the knocks on the door that must be him. you skip lunch and dinner too.

in fact, you don't come out of your room until the next day, knowing you can't possibly hide forever even if you still feel queasy. at least it isn't exactly a lie when you tell him you weren't feeling well. you smile, maybe a little tightly, and tell him you're sorry you missed him the day before. that you hope he had fun without you, that you're ready to hit the beach again and make up for the lost time, like nothing is different. he knows you well by now, and you use every acting trick you've ever learned to assure him that everything is really okay, you're good. real thing.

it's the only real lie you've ever told him.