snapshot of a breakdown.

may 2

variety

may 2

phone call

may 3

texts

may 3

texts

may 4

texts

may 6

texts

may 6

instagram

may 6

texts

may 7

ontd

may 7

instagram

may 7

instagram

may 8

instagram

may 8

travel

may 9

paperwork

may 9

instagram

carisa

carisa my favorite older brother, my sort of shadow and constant confidante, happy birthday @itsmikeybitch!! i know you'll love this call out more than any gift i could ever give (jk don't worry, gifts later) thank you for everything you do. i'd be beyond lost without you. #birthdayboy
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drandyj this is only okay because you specified OLDER
mymuartist happy birthday carisas's brother!!
yigtbeytut okay this is a cute picture
kalyssaalynn YOU LOOKED SO PRETTY AT THE MET GALA

130,432 likes
3 HOURS AGO

carisa

carisa today is the BEST DAY because it's a twofer of birthdays of my faves...@jennysnyder HAPPY BIRTHDAY! my sister in pants, i can't believe how long we've been friends and how long you've continued to put up with me. i love you always, lady. can't wait to celebrate you tonight! #birthdaygirl
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alpha55sigma happy birthday @jennysnyder!!
aredgiraffe it's so cute to me that you guys are still friends
wanderingsoul_pics i want to be invited to the party!!

124,203 likes
4 HOURS AGO

carisafans

carisafans ok everyone CALM DOWN. yes carisa deactivated her instagram account. no we don't know why. but maybe she's just taking a break! i'm sure she'll update us when she wants to talk about it. for now let's just appreciate more met gala pics #metgala
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xoxomsjames could this be some kind of promo thing like deleting all the pictures was for a simple favor??
mymuartist with all the #hackening shit that went down can you really blame her for wanting some privacy
yigtbeytut 😭😭😭😭
kalyssaalynn still pressed we didn't get any pics with james THEY WERE BOTH RIGHT THERE

130,432 likes
3 HOURS AGO

no return trip planned.

Jami Kandel

Where are we with timing?

11:42 am

We should be all set.

11:43 am

I need you to be more specific.

11:45 am

We had to basically beg, borrow, steal and promise the house but we got Carisa moved to one of the last red carpet drop offs.

11:47 am

What exactly did we promise?

11:52 am

An exclusive interview at a time of their choosing.

11:55 am

What?

11:58 am

It was that or they seriously wanted to walk her on the carpet immediately after James in hopes they'd get a picture. They're pissed they aren't getting that red carpet debut. We did what we had to do.

11:59 am

Fine.

12:01 pm

Good work, Jami. I know things have been difficult here lately, thank you.

12:02 pm

Leslie Sloan

Whatever you have planned for Cari and James you need to pull it.

10:42 am

Absolutely not.

10:47 am

Yes, you will. Carisa made it clear she's not doing it.

10:58 am

This was literally the ENTIRE POINT of doing any of this. Without this photo op this whole thing is a waste. And we're throwing it away because some asshole actor maybe doesn't like her? Seriously?

10:59 am

I understand you think this is stupid. You've made it incredibly clear.

11:01 am

But you're not going to listen to my profession opinion.

11:03 am

No. I'm going to listen to my client who called and when i didn't immediately pick up, left a thirty second message sobbing before texting "I'm fucking done." and then wouldn't answer her phone for a full day. We can't push her any further, period. She literally cannot handle it. And if we don't help her get this under control now, you're going to have a much worse story to work with down the line. Get on board with the new plan or come up with something better, but James is out of the picture.

11:06 am

nickis_welt78

nickis_welt78 BEST. NIGHT. EVER. my queen serena vdw graced us commoners with her presence. only thing that would have made it better was if she got up on the bar with some of those smoking hot cowboys @carisa #flamingsaddles
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gtheresia isn't that a gay bar what was she doing there
juliaagabbay THE ONE NIGHT I DON'T GO WITH YOU HOLY SHIT WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME
nickis_welt78 @gtheresia it was her brother's birthday she footed the bill for the party for a bunch of his friends
aida.0606 did you get brother vdw's number or what??
nickis_welt78 @aida.0606 i'll never tell xoxo 😘

110,118 likes
3 HOURS AGO

Mikey

i don't think i can do this

4:29 pm

i don't want to see anybody

4:30 pm

who anybody?

4:32 pm

ANYBODY anybody

4:33 pm

alright so let's not go

4:34 pm

i have to go

4:35 pm

alright so let's go

4:35 pm

ugh

Mikey 4:36 pm

do you need the movie star speech?

4:37 pm

sure

Mikey 4:37 pm

4:38 pm

4:46 pm

4:54 pm

5:07 pm

5:08 pm

let's just get it over with.

5:22 pm

lindsay

Can we salvage this?

11:29 am

11:30 am

Mike, I need to know what's going on. Cari won't even answer me.

11:32 am

yeah it would be a little hard to when she's only stopped crying long enough to be violently ill all morning

11:33 am

She's sick?

11:34 am

she's black out drunk levels of hungover

11:35 am

i had to CARRY her to bed last night

11:35 am

so no. she is done lindsay

11:36 am

How did I not know it was this bad?

11:37 am

because she would rather suffer and be miserable than let anyone else down

11:37 am

this is all our faults, lindsay

11:38 am

she didn't want to do any of this in the first place. she practically begged out of it. she was NOT ready.

11:40 am

she was devastated after thorsten and she had NO time to deal with it. she was so busy telling everyone else that it was fine that she pushed everything aside and didn't DEAL with any of it

11:44 am

and then you set her up with this fake boyfriend and we ALL knew EXACTLY what was going to happen. maybe not the end but we all know cari more than well enough to know she was going to get sucked into all the attention. ESPECIALLY after thorsten. and i stg leslie basically had her fingers crossed for it.

11:47 am

she was already broken and we all told her this was going to be fine and now it's too far.

11:48 am

she wants to go home, so we're going home. if CARI is asking for help, then you know it has to be bad.

11:52 am

so no this can't be salvaged

11:52 am

she needs to take care of herself. and she needs our help to do it.

11:52 am

carisa

carisa ready to vogue @tomford #metgala #metcamp
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jennifer126 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
dollhousecph HOLY SHIT THAT'S A POWER SUIT
katmingino not camp enough next
hotelmathis daaaaaamn i love this

175,938 likes
8 HOURS AGO

Jami Kandel

Fucking Moschino Barbie you have got to be kidding me.

10:38 pm

With their Barbie Dreamcar and everything.

10:42 pm

How does CARISA JAMES get out Barbied??

10:47 pm

Make sure someone calls Mattel and WB and see if they want to tease something about the movie to get attention back.

10:48 pm

At least she didn't wear that pink Alberta Ferretti dress, the comparisons would not have been good.

10:59 pm

This whole thing has been a disaster.

11:01 pm

Are we going to lose this account?

11:03 pm

I honestly don't know.

11:04 pm

Right now we need to focus on getting things set for Cannes. We need that trip to be flawless.

11:05 pm

And we need to line up a cover story for something. Self maybe? With whatever we're running with after all this. Lindsay just told me Carisa wants to deactivate her instagram, and her new therapist is encouraging it, so we'll need the comeback story of the fucking year.

11:23 pm

I'll start working on it.

11:34 pm

If there's anything else I can do, let me know.

11:34 pm

Let's send her something. What do you send a person mid-mental break down? Flowers?

11:35 pm

I got it, I'll figure it out.

11:36 pm

"mama?" cari gasps into the phone, her voice almost as heavy with alcohol as it is with unfiltered emotion.

it's late in texas and elise had already been in bed, but the sound of her only daughter's voice has her immediately awake and instantly concerned. "sweetheart? what's wrong?" she waits a long moment in which she tries to be patient as she listens to carisa obviously crying on the other end. "cari?" she finally prompts, sitting up against the headboard, pulling the comforter tighter around her waist, her own anxiety rising.

"i don't know what i'm doing," carisa eventually says, the words barely loud enough to be heard, a statement though she sounds anything but certain.

there's no background noise, no other voices, nothing to indicate what might be wrong, but the obvious tears and sound of total desperation in her daughter's voice leaves little question that something is amiss. elise waits, hoping cari will fill the silence with an explanation, but the pause only grows, leaving her more uncomfortable by the second. and just when she's about to prod again, carisa finds her voice, hardly stronger than before. "it just hurts. it hurts. what is wrong with me?"

it's nearly impossible for elise not to jump in immediately with denials and assurances, but she'd promised herself a long time ago that she would never lie to her children and even though it's undeniably tempting, she's not going to start now, not even if it will momentarily make cari feel better. and she knows, without having any of the details mentioned, what this is about. cari has always been a mama's girl, and when she isn't forthcoming with information, mike has never shied away from filling in the blanks (mostly unprompted.) so she knows how deep the breaks in her daughter's heart run, and also knows the lengths cari has gone to bandaid over them and pretend like nothing is wrong, she understands that it's been going back months or really years, though she has no explanation as to why. but it's difficult to put all this into words, and before she can speak up again, cari has taken it upon herself to.

"i'm trying to pick the right thing, mama. but why am i never the right thing?" the words tumble out, the tiniest bit slurred, and it's easy to tell that carisa has been drinking. she'd never talk like this if she was in her sound mind, elise knows she's far too self-conscious for that. "why does no one ever want to pick me?" she adds in a rush, muddled by a fresh round of heavy tears that make her breath ragged and her words stunted.

"Carisa Jean," Elise starts, sounding soft though the full name is typically reserved for scolding, her own heart aching at the pain in each word Carisa utters.

"I just want everyone to be happy, but I never get to be," Cari continues, on a terrible roll now, her feelings unchecked by sober insecurity. "Why can't anyone just want me? Why can't anyone love me? What's wrong with me?" she cries, not even noticing that she's repeating herself, her voice rising as her crying reaches a level of hysteria that makes her gasp for breath and her questions indiscernible.

there's no point in trying to answer, elise knows, because there are no real answers and even if there were, cari wouldn't hear them now anyway. instead, elise does the best she can to be comforting despite all the space between them, murmuring soft shushes and trying her best not to simply join in the tears. "Is Mike there?" she asks a few moments later, her tone full of motherly concern, a feeling that only eases slightly once Carisa has managed a stuttering yes.

so for a time, mother and daughter just sit on the phone, carisa crying, elise flooding with a bit more worry each time a new round of sobbing starts. her too emotional, too sensitive, far too loving daughter has never been this far down, and elise refuses to standby and watch the world crush her under its weight. "Cari," she begins softly but sternly, the way only a mother can, when Carisa finally quiets. "Sweetheart, it's time you come home."